WELL HOLY CRIPES! it’s been a while since I’ve written here and quite honestly it feels good to finally be writing again and finding inspiration again outside of wedding planning. No I did not want to write about that stuff! I do however plan on writing a few blog posts as far as dos and don’ts of wedding madness but not today! I want to return to what I made this site for!!! INTENTIONALLY WINGING IT THROUGH YOUR LIFE SO HERE WE GO! STAND UP YALL!
Since the wedding I’ve been finding myself in a bit of a lazy routine. I do think there is a season for everything and currently my season doesn’t involve too much productivity which I’m learning to accept. Yesterday, and for the past week I’ve been focusing on reorganizing cupboards and cleaning and every week I do accomplish a little more, but let me tell you it is at a very so and leisurely pace. Yesterday I started in on my bedroom and to my surprise my half of the bedroom is now spotless and while I debated starting on Paul’s side I decided a break was warranted.
I left my phone upstairs so I could actually let my brain take a break and focus in on watching a show or movie. I got on amazon prime and clicked on what seemed to be a decent movie with an okay story line. To my surprise, there were moments that were so heartbreaking I wanted to leave the room but I had hope that there would be a happy ending and a real point or message living in all of this tragedy and by golly .. it was there! The movie was about LIFE. You see.. in our lives we will face a lot of tragedy and as we make it through each one we can be fairly certain there is most definitely another heart breaking moment living somewhere out there for us to stumble upon, but hopefully we cross that bridge when we get there. I had all of these same feelings while watching the film. As each tragedy unfolded in the movie I would think… that’s it I’m done! Alas… I would go a little further.
BOOM! THAT’S THE WHOLE MESSAGE. The movie actually made me FEEL it’s message and at the end of the movie they gave the great quote that explicitly explained the message.
“Life will bring you to your knees. It will bring you to your lowest low. You must stand back up and when you stand up you must go a little further because if you go just a little farther what you will find there is love.”
OK. OK. Yup. Life freaking sucks sometimes. I have been in some really low lows and to be 100% honest I had about 2 years of continuous lows. Looking back on that time frame I realize there were enough glimpses of hope living in that low that kept me afloat. The woman I became after standing up and pushing through that time frame is a woman I am so insanely proud to be. I worked through all of that and I actually sleep easier now knowing that if I can make it through literally 2 years of bullshit I am certain I could do it all again because on the other end of it I am going to become one hell of a woman.
I found this when I went back into dating. I found that the guy who had it all together was so not my type. In fact I actually thought something was wrong with me. Why do you only like the men who have had to struggle. Do you love damaged people? I think at the time things had been going so not so great for me that I assumed I kind of had shitty decision making skills and it was super likely that I was attracted to fucked up people. Now I actually know that I was evaluating people. I was not evaluating their struggles but how they managed to come out of it. I found men who were hanging on to grudges and things from their past had essentially not been capable to move forward with their lives and it was extremely unattractive. Men that described their bullshit past as simply bullshit that they’ve buried, well that was pretty unattractive too. I especially was afraid of the young man who “My parents are amazing, I went to college and when I graduated I lived overseas for a year, just bought my first house and landed my first corporate america job and I’m letting my buddy rent a room for me to pay part of my mortgage, I enjoy golfing and boating with the boys on the weekends and one day I want a dog”
HELLS TO THE NO.
Why?
This BOY had not yet faced any tragedy in his life because when I asked him what the hardest thing to overcome for him in his life was the response typically had something to do with a lost sporting game. OK NO. If I date this guy and his first big tragedy happens with me and I have got to watch him try and get through that and what if he doesn’t! I will not be able to handle that, I’ve already been through too much to watch a boy become a man.
So then I realized I was just in search of an experienced in life man to share my life with and it had nothing to do with damaged goods at all.
We can go through our tragedies believing somehow we are now damaged and unworthy but the reality is our tragedies really shape us and bring us together. Do not fear those low lows, stand up and move forward and work through them because the pay off will be so so sweet. I promise.
